


I Should Stay Strong [But I'm Weak]

by QueerCanary (queercanary)



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: And a Hug, Angst, Blindness, But That's What Ava's For, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Sara Lance needs a Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25037488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queercanary/pseuds/QueerCanary
Summary: Sara Lance has done many things: survived an island and a mad scientist, become an assassin, died, come back to life. But Sara Lance has never been blind. Until now, that is. And she has to reign in her crazy crew and save the world. Again. All while being blind.It's pretty overwhelming.Short and Sweet: Just some emotions and softness.
Relationships: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 73





	I Should Stay Strong [But I'm Weak]

**Author's Note:**

> Just the usual where I decide that Sara Lance is allowed to have feelings about the bad things that happen to her.   
> Set pretty much the night of 5x11/morning of 5x12 (first morning waking up being blind)
> 
> Title: 'Weak' AJR

Sara opened her eyes. She _knew_ she did, the sensation of brushing eyelashes on her face assuring her. But she was met with the same impenetrable darkness. She blinked rapidly before squeezing her eyes shut, reveling in the pressure and then the lack thereof to know for certain that her eyes were open. The realization made a sob escape her throat.

“Babe?” Ava jolted awake, warm hands reaching, pulling Sara close. Sara felt the wetness on her cheeks, felt Ava’s hair cling to it.

“Oh my god, Ava.” Sara sobbed, pain blossoming in her chest. “I can’t see.”

Ava pushed herself up slowly, taking Sara with her. She sat cross-legged on the bed, snaking an arm around Sara’s hips to pull the small woman into the hollow of her legs. Sara instinctively clutched on, wrapping herself around Ava with a nearly crushing force. She was desperately trying to stay grounded.

Ava closed her own stinging eyes, resolving not to cry right now. Sara needed her and she had to be strong in this moment of weakness. Ava held Sara as close as she could, one hand stroking soothingly along Sara’s back.

“I can’t see, Ava.” Sara choked out, face buried in Ava’s neck.

Ava began to slowly rock the pair back and forth ever so slightly, trying to work out some of Sara’s agitation as the woman pulled frantic breaths into her lungs between heaving sobs. Ava felt her heart breaking into millions of pieces, as if it was a glass figurine dropped carelessly onto hard tile.

The pair sat in a silence broken only by Sara’s cries, slowly evening out to chest-wracking whimpers. Sara never felt so small to Ava as in that moment; thin layers of skin and muscle stretching over a fragile rib-cage swelling raggedly with the force of her anguish.

She mumbled reassurances softly into Sara’s hair, bringing her down from hysteria as gently as she could. Gradually, her breathing evened out, only occasionally punctuated with a whimper, but Ava still felt a slow trickle of wetness on her shoulder. Ava quietly kept mumbling and stroking and rocking, and Sara kept clutching to her like a lifeline, as if by letting up even a bit of pressure she would tumble into the void.

Maybe she would.

“I’m sorry.” Sara breathed, voice raw from crying and so soft Ava nearly didn’t realize that she had even said anything.

Ava was dumbfounded. “For what?”

“For waking you up and scaring you and falling apart.” Ava shook her head gently as Sara sniffled her way through the sentence.

“It’s okay to fall apart sometimes, Sara.” Ava whispered back. “You never have to apologize for being upset.”

“I’m scared, Ava.” Ava felt her heart breaking all over again. Sara sounded so small and vulnerable.

A vulnerability that Ava knew Sara was not used to expressing. A vulnerability that Ava knew Sara was not okay with feeling.

“What if--what if this is it?”

“What do you mean, baby?” Ava asked gently, keeping her hand circling on Sara’s back.

“What if this is it? I can’t be the—the captain if I can’t see. I can’t—I can’t be the White Canary if I—if I can’t see. What if my sight never—never comes back.” Sara sobbed, a fresh wave of panic dousing her. “I feel so—so powerless.”

Sara suddenly went boneless in Ava’s arms, collapsing, all strength leaving her body.

“I’ve never felt so weak and powerless in my life, Ava. And it’s scaring the hell out of me. Because I’ve been in some pretty bad places, but I’ve never been this… afraid.”

“Maybe because now you have something to lose.” Ava whispered quietly. She felt Sara’s silent question. “Because back then, when all those other things were happening, it was just you. All alone. It was just you trying to survive.

“But now it’s you and us. The ship, the crew. Its not just you suffering the consequences. And that’s always scary, trying to figure out the right decision to make. Those are the decisions that are always hard to make and the ones that I know keep you up at night sometimes, agonizing over it. And you’re scared because now it feels infinitely more difficult to make the right choices. And it will be because this is already a crazy scary situation.

“On top of that, you have to pretend. Pretend that everything is okay, pretend that you don’t feel this pain inside. You put on this mask to the crew, to look stronger than you really feel. Because leaders can’t be weak, especially not in front of their crew. But you don’t have to pretend in front of me, Sara.”

They sat in silence for a few of Sara’s frantic heartbeats.

“Everything’s going to be okay, Sara.” Sara moaned, doubting softly. “I mean it. Even if—and I mean if—you never get your sight back, everything will be okay. I’m here for you, Sara. I’m not ever going to leave your side. Everything’s going to be okay because we are going to do this together. We’ll figure this out together. Okay?”

Sara nodded into Ava’s shoulder weakly.

“You’re not alone, Sara.” Ava felt a tear squeeze out of her own eye and trickle down her cheek. “You don’t have to do this all alone.”


End file.
